What’s big, grey and gets you arrested?
This made me LOL - I particularly liked the idea of "elephant mules" who swallow "up to six elephants at a time" to supply the black market in illegal elephats ..
What’s big, grey and gets you arrested?
What’s big, grey and gets you arrested? Keeping an eye on the news pages, I note with relief that the Government has, finally, made it illegal for anyone to keep an elephant in the back garden. While it would, perhaps, have been ideal for them to have implemented the ban before Christmas - the period when pressure to buy an elephant, as a gift, is most intense - it is good to see that, ultimately, sense has been seen.For those regretful that they didn’t buy a six-tonne pet before the loophole was closed, there is little comfort. Now you’ll never be able to have that gigantic Diwali elephant parade from the patio to the shed. Not while keeping your respectability, anyway.
Because, yes, there will still be back-garden elephants available. It’s just that their purchase will now, inevitably, follow an established path: a black market will spring up to service the continuing demand.
Just as there are drugs mules, so, now, there will be elephant mules - flying out to Africa, swallowing up to six elephants at a time, then flying back into Gatwick or Heathrow, bearing their illicit cargo. Certain pubs and clubs will become notorious for then fencing the gear - although working out which ones these are should be fairly simple, given that it wouldn’t work anywhere much smaller than the Ministry of Sound, and all guilty venues will have huge piles of dung outside them, consisting of 28 per cent peanuts, 72 per cent buns.
What I’m sure will be most concerning our law enforcement agencies, however, is the knock-on effect of criminalising domestic elephant use. Plunged into a seething underworld, desperate elephant users may find that keeping an elephant ultimately proves to be a “gateway activity”. The more vulnerable in our society may well attempt to keep even more extreme things in their back gardens: a herd of impala. Six million locusts. Volcanoes. A major tributary, or swamp.
Indeed, watching the news reports last week on the flooding in Tewkesbury, I think I may have detected an active hotspot for the last of these already. And all because of a lack of joined-up thinking at No 10. Whoever said that being in government was easy?
Tags: humour
