i believe it.
the past few days have found me thinking about giving. maybe cuz it’s almost christmas? i’m not sure. maybe. but the word “giving” itself feels too small somehow. What I mean is bigger – connected to god and love and hope and passion and vision and trying to make sense of the december 2009 world we find ourselves in. how do we make positive progress in the midst of chaos and hurt and emotion? how do we find (much less – maintain?) balance – wanting more and needing more – struggling to stay afloat in the ice water reality of now? i don’t have answers. i just feel questions. hm.
a lot of this comes to mind, especially, in terms of jesus. cuz it seems to me that the most challenging aspect of what he was telling us had something to do with this – that giving is the way out – the way back – the way through. turning the other cheek, 70 times 7, forgiveness compassion, surrender. they all seem to be about giving. i realize that “giving” might sound cliché, especially at this time of year. but i mean this in the way that cuts and costs us and asks us what we’re really doing. what’s the motive? do i care who’s watching? why? why not? the giving of our real hearts. the kind that we never get back. the kind that sees more than the pain. the kind that gives through, and transforms us because of it. i don’t know how this works. i’m not there yet. but i see the truth of it. i feel it. and i believe it too.
i’ve been walking the sidewalks to and from work, through the cold and rain, this week. i’ve been thinking about this as i walk. and - especially in the last few days – the truth of what jesus was talking about has been breaking through, and seeping in – the simplicity of it – the impossibility of it – the beauty of it – the whole severe mess of it. i want to live like that. here. this way. i’m gonna keep trying to make it better.
ok. i’m rambling, so i’ll shush myself. podcast 172 is here. many thanks to kris hauch for sharing his music with us. if you have time, i really hope you can listen. :)
love,
russell
a lot of this comes to mind, especially, in terms of jesus. cuz it seems to me that the most challenging aspect of what he was telling us had something to do with this – that giving is the way out – the way back – the way through. turning the other cheek, 70 times 7, forgiveness compassion, surrender. they all seem to be about giving. i realize that “giving” might sound cliché, especially at this time of year. but i mean this in the way that cuts and costs us and asks us what we’re really doing. what’s the motive? do i care who’s watching? why? why not? the giving of our real hearts. the kind that we never get back. the kind that sees more than the pain. the kind that gives through, and transforms us because of it. i don’t know how this works. i’m not there yet. but i see the truth of it. i feel it. and i believe it too.
i’ve been walking the sidewalks to and from work, through the cold and rain, this week. i’ve been thinking about this as i walk. and - especially in the last few days – the truth of what jesus was talking about has been breaking through, and seeping in – the simplicity of it – the impossibility of it – the beauty of it – the whole severe mess of it. i want to live like that. here. this way. i’m gonna keep trying to make it better.
ok. i’m rambling, so i’ll shush myself. podcast 172 is here. many thanks to kris hauch for sharing his music with us. if you have time, i really hope you can listen. :)
love,
russell