rock and a hard place
hello and happy wednesday to all! i hope the week is going well where you are. :)
i just uploaded episode 136, and would love to share with you... it's a simple little show featuring some more memories and god-talk and some old rock songs by me. honestly - gotta say - i feel a little bit self-conscious whenever i talk about the uncomfortable, angry, passionate, sensitive, "i'm-so-misunderstood," woe is me, feeling. hm. i suppose that reaction is rather common? most of us seem to have our own version of it in one way or another. but i do wonder about it - where it comes from, how it became so scary to tell the truth, be known - why we aren't more comfortable with the range of feelings in general, etc. self-consciousness is strange.
i guess the real messy truth of it too, is that isn't all that complicated. i'm just scared. afraid, unremarkably. of real vulnerability, mostly, i guess??? but also being misheard to be whining or sulking or precious, etc., etc., etc. that's the truth. and it's an odd thing, cuz i obviously do want to talk about that stuff. i can't help myself, it seems! :) and yet here i am - acutely aware of how easy it is to say things the wrong way - to distance the very people i'm trying to communicate with, turn you off, etc. so, yes. with all this in mind, i hope you'll give me some grace if i said anything that sounded this way on the podcast tonight. and i hope somehow you'll see and trust that there's more inside and beyond and between. cuz there is.
what i really mean to say is that i'm thankful for everywhere i've been so far in life. more and more and more every day. and for everyone i've known. for all of the things that've been hard. for the easy things. and the impossible. cuz i know this is what it took to teach me what i needed to learn. what made me shut up, and shows me where i've got it all wrong. it's what brings me here tonight. and what's made it possible for you and me to be in these similar spheres, together and apart, with all of the possibility and difficulty that's before us. it's this beautiful thing. such a mess! and so amazing. so much i can't even say it. so... yes - that. this. it's what i mean more than anything. i hope it comes through.
wishing u well, always.
yr friend,
russell
i just uploaded episode 136, and would love to share with you... it's a simple little show featuring some more memories and god-talk and some old rock songs by me. honestly - gotta say - i feel a little bit self-conscious whenever i talk about the uncomfortable, angry, passionate, sensitive, "i'm-so-misunderstood," woe is me, feeling. hm. i suppose that reaction is rather common? most of us seem to have our own version of it in one way or another. but i do wonder about it - where it comes from, how it became so scary to tell the truth, be known - why we aren't more comfortable with the range of feelings in general, etc. self-consciousness is strange.
i guess the real messy truth of it too, is that isn't all that complicated. i'm just scared. afraid, unremarkably. of real vulnerability, mostly, i guess??? but also being misheard to be whining or sulking or precious, etc., etc., etc. that's the truth. and it's an odd thing, cuz i obviously do want to talk about that stuff. i can't help myself, it seems! :) and yet here i am - acutely aware of how easy it is to say things the wrong way - to distance the very people i'm trying to communicate with, turn you off, etc. so, yes. with all this in mind, i hope you'll give me some grace if i said anything that sounded this way on the podcast tonight. and i hope somehow you'll see and trust that there's more inside and beyond and between. cuz there is.
what i really mean to say is that i'm thankful for everywhere i've been so far in life. more and more and more every day. and for everyone i've known. for all of the things that've been hard. for the easy things. and the impossible. cuz i know this is what it took to teach me what i needed to learn. what made me shut up, and shows me where i've got it all wrong. it's what brings me here tonight. and what's made it possible for you and me to be in these similar spheres, together and apart, with all of the possibility and difficulty that's before us. it's this beautiful thing. such a mess! and so amazing. so much i can't even say it. so... yes - that. this. it's what i mean more than anything. i hope it comes through.
wishing u well, always.
yr friend,
russell