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what if there isn't?

things are pretty much insane for me right now - i don't know why. it's the circle of life, i guess? for me. lately, anyway. i just finished editing tonight's podcast, and i'm embarrassed at how much of my random currently overhwhelmed state of mind seeped into the rambling-ness of it all. i'm self conscious about it. cuz i know it's bad form. and i wish i knew how to make things more coherent. i'll keep trying. in the meantime, if you get a chance to listen, i'll be honored. i hope you won't find it too annoying. even more - miraculously, somehow - i hope some of what i meant to say breaks through. despite me. in the midst of life and feeling and doing, i never quite know if nonsequitor moments like these express any of what i hope they do. i have my doubts. but my fingers are crossed nonetheless... ;)

in lots of ways, i guess it's just the mundane high-wire walk of everyday life? cuz no matter how much we want to (or think we) control all of the wings and wheels of communication and understanding and coherence - we never will. it seems odd, i know, but somehow trying to say what we don't know how to say, or do what we don't know how to do, or be what we have no idea how to be - and giving everything to the trying anyway - is the most honest place any of us can be. it's small solace, i realize. maybe none at all? but it still feels true.

if you're interested, i hope you'll click on the links and learn more about the movie man on wire and the man philippe petit.

wishing you the best,
russell

ps - on, and here's a review of man on wire.

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