tonight's podcast is a live report from central california (learn more about fresno here
). it's a simple show - just me playing some new songs by julius caesar, and talking about the sentimental feeling of trying to hold onto things i can't hold on to. or, 'least that's what i think the whole floppy hat story is about. i'm still filtering it, so not 100% sure. but it feels that way.
it's funny how objects and places remind us of people and moments we've lost, isn't it? or maybe it makes perfect sense? as both. underneathe everything going on tonight, that's the root of what i was trying to say. and, really, it's a futile fight. right? cuz things change. choices transform us. life moves. there is no "past" we can go back to. and it's a good thing. i'm thankful for it. but there are also huge moments where i want the wheels to stop - where i want to escape - move backwards - and undo it all somehow. i guess longing for impossible opposites is a very natural and human thing too? i know. and beautiful, painful, broken, wrong, miraculous, etc. i think it's ok. even when it doesn't feel that way.
with all this in mind, i can't help but be thankful as i post this. :) and hopeful too. thankful that i don't know what's ahead. and hopeful for the same reason. part of me wonders if i'm being unduly (recklessly) optimistic for feeling this way? probably. but somehow i also imagine that possibility and hope are connected inextricably, invisibly, unavoidably. it's not a feeling any of us can consciously create, i know. and that's the thing. cuz - whenever it happens - it's spontaneous and natural and very simple. like a song. or a moment we can't stop. i guess that's where the gratitude comes from??? cuz it's not something i deserve. or have. or know. and yet here it is. the sacredness and gift of this isn't lost on me.
i don't understand it, but these feelings are swirling around episode 109. if you have a chance, i hope you'll take a listen. and i hope you'll visit related people and places and things around the web...
ryan (julius caesar) at - myspace.com/thekoedonarmada
amazing songwriter -
jonah's cd -
as linked above - learn more about fresno, ca
thank you for being here
me and the hat in fresno.