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re: the bottom line

i'm often struck by the seeming disparity between how we're taught to think and feel and evaluate (and treat) each other in society at large (based on perceptions of appearance, wealth, "talent," "efficiency," "profit," etc.), and how we feel emotionally, internally, when we ourselves are judged or misunderstood or underestimated. sometimes we have a serious double standard there, don't we? seems so. and what's that about? i wonder.

i guess it hints at the larger question (or irony?) of how and why we perpetuate (or at least tacitly tolerate) a surface system of values that inherently limits our humanity and ability to connect and create community with each other. why do we put so much value on status and money? it's weird right? seems like we know better, yet we still do it. i obviously don't get all the twists and turns of the psychological processes and needs that underpin all of this - but it does concern me - and interest me. i want to understand. and work toward making it better.

i cribbed the idea of "a new bottom line" from rabbi michael lerner - cuz it's a beautiful concept - the idea that we can actually, consciously, cultivate and appreciate the value of compassion and kindness and love and community together. since this is the real stuff that keeps us alive emotionally, doesn't it make sense that we should make space and time and give respect to the truth that life is truly bigger than society allows for, and that "success" is far more than a job, or a tax bracket? i think so. in fact, it seem crazy not to. and - deeply - i know for sure that when i'm gone - the stuff i want to be remembered for is the human stuff - the love stuff - the friend stuff. that is the bottom line for me. and i need to get better at living like it.

i really hope you'll share episode 40 with me! i'm curious how you see it. and i hope you'll let me know.

oh, and if you have time, hope you'll check this week's links:

slyway - www.slywaymusic.com
the cobalt season - www.thecobaltseason.com
wikipedia article on rabbi michael lerner
the commonwealth club - www.commonwealthclub.org
commonwealth club podcast

love,
russell

ps - xtra special thanks to this week's musical guests: julius caesar, the cobalt season, and slyway. click their links (above), ok?

Posted by russell on May 30, 2007 04:52 PM |

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Comments

There is a lot of comfort in human connection and identification. To know we are not alone brings relief from fear, pain, and the struggle over the difficulities of life. When people ask, "What do you do?" their motives for asking might suprise you. I like to think that people are generally good. Perhaps the meaning behind the question isn't "What is your worth to society?" but instead "Where is the connection between you and I?" or "How can I relate to you as a person?"

Being open, honest, and real with eachother is a revolutionary step to making the world a better place, but revolution is not always quickly embraced. It takes time to see change happen. Maybe humans don't know how, or they are afraid, or too proud to say, "How can I relate with you because I don't want to be lonely and scarred anymore!" Instead, because of the awkwardness of the moment, something else comes out that sounds lame or offensive. Here's a personal example.

It seems like every time I go out with my five kids at least one person whom I've never met before will come up to me with a very concerned look on their face and say, "Honey, you must have your hands full!" (As if five is an overwhelming number and I need to be pitied because something is evidently wrong in my life!) Whenever people say this to me it feels like a direct assault on my self-esteem. I ask myself if I'm a wise, capable women contributing to society.

One day I was venting to Josh about all this and he said something that really helped me. He told me that every time someone says this to me I have the perfect opportunity to share a different perspective. I can share with them how I've chosen to have five kids because it brings me joy and contenment to have a house full of children.

So I decided to give his advice a try. The next time I went out with the kids and someone said that to me instead of thinking "Duh, you idiot!" I took the opportunity to share with them how I love having a big family. I've had a lot of good and meaningful conversations with strangers since then.

Sometimes I think every question we ask has an underlying meaning of "How do I fit in this place and make a connection with all of this?"

I'm starting to see why institutions fail to satisfy human needs for connection. They are a structure or vehical. It's the people inside we are looking for, and what lies within us is what we need to discover and share in order to satisfy our need for connection. What lies within us is the BOTTOM LINE.

So when people ask "What do you do?" they are not far from finding the answer. They are looking for a connection.

This was a very insightful podcast. I liked the Cobalt Season. I'm going to go visit the link you included. Thanks!

Posted by: Jennifer Armerding | May 30, 2007 08:43 PM

thank you so much jennifer! i think you're exactly right. our approach to the questions, and to the institution, makes all the difference. i mean, afterall, when it comes down to it, we *are* the institution, right?

i hope i didn't come off as saying that the "what do you do?" question is always about status. it isn't, i agree. and it can be asked (and is often asked!) from a very warm and open perspective. as an attempt to connect. that's important to remember. and even when it's not - the sense of engagement you're talking about is essential if we're gonna ever make a difference and break through. it's an excellent point, and i love that we can make a difference in the midst of things being totally imperfect. it's inspiring. and true. thanks for sharing this. really really really. :)

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